I’m Worried About Someone Else
This page provides guidance for supporting other people who are or may be experiencing Domestic Violence & Abuse.
The information on this page has been reproduced with kind permission of Women’s Aid Federation of England. It is available in its latest format here, and remains the copyright of Women’s Aid.
The chances are high that you will know a family member, colleague, cousin or friend who is experiencing abuse behind closed doors. Unless you are trying to help someone who has been very open about their experiences, it may be difficult for you to acknowledge the problem directly.
Below are basic steps you can take if someone confides in you that they are experiencing domestic abuse:
How you can help
- Listen to the person, try to understand and take care not to blame them. Tell them that they are not alone and that there are many people in the same situation.
- Acknowledge that it takes strength to trust someone enough to talk to them about experiencing abuse. Give them time to talk, but don’t push them to go into too much detail if they don’t want to. Acknowledge that they are in a frightening and very difficult situation.
- Ask if they have suffered physical harm. If so, offer to go with them to a hospital or to see their GP.
- Tell them that no one deserves to be threatened or beaten, despite what their abuser has told them. Nothing they can do or say can justify the abuser’s behaviour.
- Support them as a friend. Encourage them to express their feelings, whatever they are. Allow them to make their own decisions.
- Don’t tell them to leave the relationship if they are not ready to do this. This is their decision and leaving a relationship can require safety planning with the support of a professional, as risk of violence increases significantly on separation.
- Help them to report the assault to the police if they choose to do so.
- Be ready to provide information on organisations that offer help to people experiencing abuse. Explore the available options with them. Tell them about our helpline 0113 246 0401, and how to access this website.
- Show them how to stay safe online by following our online safety guidance.
- Go with them to visit a solicitor if they are ready to take this step.
- Let them create their own boundaries of what they think is safe and what is not safe; don’t urge them to follow any strategies that they express doubt about.
- Offer your friend the use of your address and/or telephone number to leave information and messages, and tell them you will look after an emergency bag for them, if they want this.
- Look after yourself while you are supporting someone through such a difficult and emotional time. Ensure that you do not put yourself into a dangerous situation; for example, do not offer to talk to the abuser about your friend or let yourself be seen by the abuser as a threat to their relationship.